Hilarious New Apps 😂!

Hilarious New Apps 😂!


Here are two brilliant apps to use with your friends! 👊

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Bitmoji is an emoji keyboard for phones, in which you create a cartoon-style emoji character of yourself and dress it up. Then, the app gives you access to hundreds of funny emojis with your character in! You can use these on Snapchat, WhatsApp, iMessage and more. What’s more, if you Snapchat someone who also has a Bitmoji, then you will have access to some emojis with both of your characters in!

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BAM is a clever, funny little app which allows you to send comic notifications to your friends’ phones. For example, “Gouis23 just licked your nose”, “Gouis23 just poked your grandma” and “Gouis23 just sniffed your dog”. You can write virtually whatever you like and send it to the phone of your friend, and it’s quite funny coming up with hilarious notifications to send…

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Exclusive: Barnet FC Bid to Host World Cup 2026

Exclusive: Barnet FC Bid to Host World Cup 2026


North London team Barnet FC have today stunned the world by putting forward a proposal to host the FIFA World Cup in 2026.

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The League 2 side have joined Canada, Mexico and Columbia in declaring their interest to host the prestigious tournament and in an exclusive press release to blametheblogger have declared the full details for “Bees ’26”.

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Barnet’s chairman, Tony Kleanthous, has said:

We believe that the FIFA World Cup should be hosted in North London, and particularly The Hive, because of the superb facilities on offer. We will be submitting the following details for FIFA but expect confirmation of us as host nation in the coming weeks.

Stadiums:

  • The Hive – Capacity 5,176, to host the opening game and the Final.
  • 3G Pitch A – Capacity 20
  • 3G Pitch B – Capacity 17
  • Indoor Gymnasium – Capacity 3, through glass viewing screen
  • Training Pitch 1 – Capacity 5 + 6 pigeons
  • Training Pitch 2 – Capacity 14 + 2 cats
  • Junior Pitch – Capacity 7 small children or 2 adults, only people under 5’6″ permitted
  • 7-a-side Pitch – Capacity 12, all squads must play a starting 7 instead of 11

The quality stadiums have received backing from Barnet players, with captain Andy Yiadom praising the state-of-the-art facilities;

It’s incredible what these modern stadiums can do. The atmosphere is absolutely incredible when you play in a top arena like The Hive or Training Pitch 1! It is a great achievement for a club like Barnet to become host nation and we all hope that it happens.

Training Facilities

 The surrounding area has plenty of pitches for players to train on, but it is the responsibility of the national FA in question to remove any dog foul from the facilities before use. If boots are worn inside the clubhouses the player in question will incur a £50 fine.

Climate

Travelling nations are warned that temperatures in South-East England may reach a massive 16 degrees celsius so suncream and air conditioned accomodation are recommended.

Media Facilities

There is free Wi-Fi at the ‘Busy Bee Cafe’, a short walk from The Hive, and this will be available to all reporters except Robbie Savage throughout the tournament. The computer room at the nearby Camrose Nursery School is also available to journalists, but be warned, if you mess around in there you might have to sit on the naughty step…

Accomodation

The Premier Inn is just a 17 minute walk away! Or, for something more fancy, you could trek for half an hour to the Kingsland Hotel – but please note at both hotels there is a strict ‘no Germany kits’ policy.

Travel

Canons Park and Burnt Oak tube stations are just a short while away, but why take the Jubilee Line to Wembley if you can experience the incredible facilities in The Hive complex! Also, the 288 and 79 buses stop near the stadia, to provide transport links to exotic locations like Morrison’s in Queensbury and Sainsbury’s in Alperton.

Food and Drink 

There are pies, beer and new Family Size Maltesers on offer at the zero Michelin star Hive Cafe in the Main Stand.

Budget

The projected cost for hosting the tournament is £163.57 including VAT. There is also a £30 budget for gifts to FIFA members, as long as they promise that Barnet will host the next 3 World Cups.

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Next Steps

In the next month or so Barnet will hear back from FIFA on whether they will get the go-ahead to be the hosts of “Bees ’26”.

FAQ

For more information about the bid contact us at info@blametheblogger.com

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Clash Of Clans FC

Clash Of Clans FC


If Clash of Clans had a football team…

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GK: Barbarian – The last line of defense, a last resort if you need to take out a few buildings to get the star, it is used in a desperate attempt to prevent a goal/trophy loss!

LB: Minion – This speedy left back always pops up in the right place at the right time to do some damage, but can be beaten very easily when defending. A true attacking full back!

RB: Archer – Quick, helpful when attacking and defending in a clan castle, this quick-thinking, bright full back is a good all-rounder on the pitch and can always be trusted to destroy some buildings/create some chances!

CB: Golem – This tank at the back is slow but menacing and big so can keep even the most skilled of strikers quiet. It does substantial damage too/can launch counter-attacks from the back too.

CB: Giant – Big, strong and physical, this centre half can take a bombardment of cannon fire/attacking players but a cleverky utilised spring trap/speedy winger can leave him stranded.

CDM: Witch – Slow and steady like Gerrard, the witch controls attacks from the rear and can sweep up assists/buildings with it’s masses of skeletons/through balls. It’s the deep-lying playmaker of the team.

CM: Balloon – Slow on approach but when given the opportunity the balloon can be destructive/clinical. It provides splash damage galore/goals from the midfield and is a key player in the team.

CM: Wizard – Always top of the teamsheet/featuring in the attack strategy, the wizard’s attacking damage is brutal and vital in victories. However, it is pretty weak when defending/taking damage.

LW: Dragon – It scares defenses to near death with it’s bulky shape, and when it whips in crosses or cuts inside to have a shot it burns gaping holes through the defense. Very over-powered!

RW: Goblin – This little guy has bucket-loads of pace and when he puts his mind to it, no one can stop him looting/sprinting and whipping in a killer cross.

ST: P.E.K.K.A. – Up front, leading the attack, is the P.E.K.K.A. Nobody quite knows where he gets his immense power from but he uses it incredibly well when he gets an opportunity. A must-have for any team/clasher!

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Lyrics: ‘The Crumble Song’ – Lorraine Bowen feat. ‘My Casio Organ’

Lyrics: ‘The Crumble Song’ – Lorraine Bowen feat. ‘My Casio Organ’


CHORUS:

EVERYBODY’S GOOD AT COOKING SOMETHING

AND I’M GOOD AT COOKING CRUMBLE

IN FACT I’VE GOT ONE IN THE OVEN

WOULD YOU LIKE SOME?

VERSE:

A BIT OF CUSTARD, A BIT OF CREAM

IT REMINDS YOU OF YOUR BEST DREAM

EVERYTHING YOU WANT AND IT’S EVERYTHING YOU LIKE

BUT IF YOU DON’T HAVE IT SOON

I’LL BE UP ON MY BIKE

PRE-CHORUS:

UP ON MY BIKE

UP ON MY BIKE

UP ON MY BIKE

UP ON MY BIKE

CHORUS:

EVERYBODY’S GOOD AT COOKING SOMETHING

AND I’M GOOD AT COOKING CRUMBLE

IN FACT I’VE GOT ONE IN THE OVEN

WOULD YOU LIKE SOME?

WELL WOULD YOU LIKE SOME THEN?

MASH-UP:

I’VE GOT MY DJ HEADPHONES…

1,2,3,4!

EVERYBODY’S GOOD AT COOKING SOMETHING

AND I’M GOOD AT COOKING CRUMBLE

EVERYBODY’S GOOD AT COOKING SOMETHING

AND I’M GOOD AT COOKING CRUMBLE

EVERYBODY’S GOOD AT COOKING SOMETHING

AND I’M GOOD AT COOKING CRUMBLE

OH, I’M GOOD AT COOKING CRUMBLE

I’M GOOD AT COOKING… CRUMBLE! YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!

Lorraine Bowen’s Youtube Channel

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Incredible Exclusive: McDonald’s Plan Launch of Fast Food Spacecraft – April Fools Day Special

Incredible Exclusive: McDonald’s Plan Launch of Fast Food Spacecraft – April Fools Day Special


In an unprecedented advance in technology, The McDonald’s Corporation has announced the planned launch of a fast food spacecraft into orbit, named McMilky Way. 

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The fast food chain has gone global in recent years but that is seemingly not enough for them! Steve Easterbrook, President and CEO, today released an exclusive statement to say;

This project has been in the making for years now. We are delighted to get the green light from NASA and will be working vigorously towards making this dream reality.

The plan is to launch a shuttle, quite like the ISS [International Space Station] with a restaurant-style interior. This will be supplied by daily food-bearing rockets launched from our HQ in Texas.

We plan to launch in conjunction with the space holiday programmes being devised by NASA to give space travelers our wonderful, efficient dining experience universally.

We will expand from the moon out towards Mars and will hope to have sun-baked burgers with you in the year 2094 . This is a long-term project which will revolutionise the way we eat, explore and enjoy life on this planet and on  others.

The first branch of the McMilky Way project is expected to be here in the year 2047. Until then, for intergalactic cuisine, you’ll have to settle for a Mars Bar!

The news has been met with delight from astronauts and fast-food addicts, and it is predicted that soon the whole world will catch the McMilky Way fever and will be queuing up to book an anti-gravity table.

Is this what the wonderful plan will look like?

Is this what the wonderful plan will look like?

Even celebrities have had their say! Popstar Bruno Mars said:

I myself am a huge McDonald’s fan, and am delighted by this advance in fast food technology.

The Voice UK judge Sir Tom Jones had this to say:

I like McDonald’s. It was founded by Richard and Maurice McDonald. You know, I met them once…

Typical!

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The above picture has been released by the Lunar Health Foundation. Spokesman David Johnson today said:

We can’t let this company barge onto the scene on our moon and poison the craters with it’s disgusting and unhealthy products! This plan is a catastrophe waiting to happen. I strongly believe that if we introduce our alien friends to any type of human food, it should be a fresh, healthy salad with a low fat dressing from Tesco.

This project has mixed views but it is clear to see that though Russia got the first man in orbit, America are to have the first fast food restaurant hurtling around our planet – surely a much bigger feat!

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Happy April Fool's Day!

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Why are yawns so contagious? (and some other big questions answered)

Why are yawns so contagious? (and some other big questions answered)


Have you ever wondered why yawns are so contagious? Or how long you could survive by eating yourself (I wouldn’t recommend it)? Here are some huge questions answered… and some other stupid ones answered, too!
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How long can I survive by eating myself?

If you were stranded on a desert island, could you live on slow-cooked forearm, or pan-friend kneecap with sizzling eyelashes, and if so, for how long? Is it a good idea? Well, certain animals, such as mice, insects and sharks, have been known to do this when they are really peckish (why don’t they just pop to Tesco’s Pacific Ocean branch?). The people who lived 100,000 years ago are believed to have been cannibals, which suggests humans are not poisonous. But eating yourself?

A few problems with chopping off your arm – firstly, you wouldn’t have an arm anymore. You don’t want to do anything ‘armful to your body! (Sorry, I just had to). Second, the pain and shock of losing an arm might be deadly. In fact, your body will use as much energy from healing the wound as it would get from devouring your arm! So, in reality, there is not too much of an advantage of leg casserole, or torso pizza, for your tea…

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Which are smarter – cats or dogs?

Dogs are, of course, easier to train than cats. When you own a dog, it will treat you like it’s master and try to please you – but cats don’t really care about this! However, cats are better problem solvers than dogs. They have even been known to turn on taps, open cupboards and even use the toilet! This ability has been seen in monkeys too, but not in dogs…

Dogs can understand signals and commands which enables them to do many jobs, such as guard dogs, police dogs and rescue dogs. Some dogs even have the incredible ability to detect illness, even cancer, in human beings! Cats, on the other hand, have greater directional skills. If you took a cat miles away from home, it could fine its way back in less than a week!

It’s a very close call, but if you take the weight of its brain in comparison to their body weight, apes, dolphins and whales are the only animals ahead of cats, with dogs coming way down the list.

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So why are yawns so contagious?

The problem when answering this is that nobody knows why we even yawn in the first place. One theory is you yawn to make yourself more alert. Stretching and yawning increase your blood pressure and heart rate, which both make your body more alert. Also, your brain might decide you are short of oxygen, in which case taking a nice big breath is a very good idea.

This would then explain why yawns are contagious. When you see someone yawning, your brain may tell you that the people around you are alerting themselves, possibly to danger, and that you should start preparing too. In fact, yawns are so contagious that even looking at the word ‘yawn’ can make you yawn. Has it?

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If you have any other questions you want answered, type them in below:

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Balotelli To Liverpool?


Super Mario is back in town!!!

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Pictured above is the horrific incident thought to be the reason that the bonkers Italian left the Premier League in the first place. During Man City training, he was ordered off the field by then manager Roberto Mancini for a bad tackle on Scott Sinclair. However, then Mario took a swipe at his own boss!

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And off to Milan he went. After a great career at City where he won the Premier League (producing an assist to THAT MAN Aguero for THAT GOAL against QPR) and scoring 30 goals in 80 games, in January 2013, after 2 1/2 great years in Manchester, it was time for a change. In his year and a half at AC Milan,  he netted an incredible 30 goals in 54 games!

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And it gets better! Italy. You may remember Euro 2012. Yes? Then think back to the Semi-Final. Italy v Germany. Surely Germany would win (football is a game of 22 players, but in the end, Germany always win)! However, a certain Balotelli popped up and scored two classic goals to send Italy through to the final. And then in June, in Brazil. He scored the winner against Engl… No, I can’t say it, it’s too painful!

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Now let’s fly thousands of miles from Brazil to Liverpool. A crisis. They’d just lost their star man, their talisman, to Barcelona. They needed to replace Luis Suarez. With just Daniel Sturridge and Rickie Lambert up front, they would not have enough firepower to challenge for the title once again. A few weeks ago, Brendan Rodgers said cryptically that he was not going to sign our friend, Mario. Would he sign Wilfried Bony? No. Would he sign Karim Benzema? No. Would he sign Ramadel Falcao? No. Or would he sign Samuel Eto’o? No. About a week ago, it emerged Liverpool had renewed their interest in Mario Balotelli. Then it became clear that he flew into Manchester for a medical, and then flew back to Milan. On 22nd of August, the Liverpool boss said this:

We have quite an extensive code of conduct for players and staff. There is no specific one for any one individual. This isn’t like many clubs. Liverpool is a club that is a real strong family football club, with values and ethics that run over many years. I, as the manager, will fight to protect that always, so no matter which players or professionals are at the club, they will abide by that.

So he’s basically hinting that Balotelli would return to the Premier League. He then said:

But we understand that sometimes you have to take a risk with people. And a lot of the time, if you take that risk you can get a reward for it.

So without saying the word Balotelli, he said that Liverpool would be recruiting the madman!

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Yesterday it was reported that he would probably be signing on Monday (tomorrow). This is too late for him to be eligible to make his debut against his old team, Manchester City (who Liverpool play on a Monday night at 8pm local time), but he may make his debut against Tottenham at White Hart Lane next weekend. However, his move has sparked questions about his discipline and just why Liverpool have a tendency to sign naughty strikers???

Former Liverpool defender Gary Gillespie believes the signing of Balotelli is a big risk for his old side.

His reputation does go before him. Brendan Rodgers, out of all the young managers today, would probably be the one to handle him better than most, but I do still think it’s a big gamble.

I also heard that someone wrote that while Luis Suarez gets in trouble for trying to hard on the pitch, Mario Balotelli gets in trouble for not trying hard enough or for things in his personal life!

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But is Balotelli a gamble worth taking? He’s a brilliant goalscorer and a great player for the Champions League, but may he cause unrest and unsettle Daniel Sturridge.

He adds depth to a Liverpool team, but also adds slight selfishness to a passing team. But £16,000,000 for a 24 year old quality striker is not too bad a deal…

SPOTTED! Balotelli arrives for his medical!

SPOTTED! Balotelli arrives for his medical!

BALOTELLI FUN FACTS:

Mario has a pet pig called super!

As a Manchester City player, he launched fireworks from his bathroom window!

He scored with his shoulder against Norwich!

Here are top ten Balotelli moments:

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